I'm a Sad Panda.

So Roth and I broke up. And the Kendragon is far from rejoicing.

Rather the Kendragon feels stupid and like it’s all her fault. And that’s not cute. Not at all.

I mean yes he lied to me. And yes he did it poorly. And yes I found out. And yes he lied when I called him on it until I told him I have proof. And yes when we were having the break up conversation (that would be the second time around for those keeping track) he told me that he didn’t have near the feelings for me that I had for him, and he admitted that he should have told me that weeks ago. And yes he may have been horrible at communicating with me overall and I was nothing but great to him at all times, and if he can’t see that he’s an idiot.

BUT….

I don’t know…I just feel like this all could have been avoided if I wasn’t a moron. I could have not agreed to get together with him again in the first place. I could have stopped seeing him the minute I realized I had feelings for someone who was very straight forward with me about not wanting anything remotely serious. I could have seen that his refusal to communicate or see me regularly was probably a sign that I was getting involved with someone who was going to be distant.

But of course I didn’t do that. Cause Kendragon’s are very, very silly.

Awesome former Roomie was completely amazing last night with helping me feel better. And let me just state right here how much I appreciate that. But the fact of the matter is no matter how logically I know that none of this is my fault, in my heart I know it really is.

I just wish he hadn’t fought to get me back into his life. That simple fact had me operating off a false assumption that he had some real feelings for me. Silly, silly Kendragon. You should have know that the guy that could hurt you once couldn’t really appreciate you. Not really.

Ugh.

Oh…and this whole thing’s totally not helping the massive lowness either. Dragged me right back into the muck. Thanks Roth. Thanks.

I’m a sad, sad Panda, Party People.