Dammit I'm Worth It!

So did you know that me doing two jobs at once within the same company, training two new employees, one of which doesn't know basic Excel, covering adding stations to our list of affiliates for seasonal specials, and being responsible for keeping the intern busy means that I'm still not important enough to make more hourly then said intern? Neither did I until today.

The fucking intern makes more money per hour than me.

Fuck.

If I even have to look for a new job again just because my company is ripping me off while I'm working my ass off just to keep my head above water in terms of workload, I swear I will be forced to eat a whole bunch of bad food to compensate for my inevitable sadness, then I'll be fat again and therefore depressed again, and my months of progress will be worthless. Curse you hypothetical situation!

Ugh. But life is going alright Lucky Readers. I kind of hate my work situation right now, but it's only because I know how much my company is ripping me off and I'm really frustrated about it. But I still like the people and the work we do, and I actually love that they trust my abilities enough to give me so much responsibility. But I didn't rack up tons of debt to get a college degree to work my ass of for far less than I'm worth. Le sigh.

Oh and for my other job I almost got sucked up in a tornado at an outdoor event. Or rather a funnel cloud formed directly over my head while tornado were touching down in our surrounding area. But still. Even the grizzled old security guard who had been working at the outdoor venue for twenty years told us that we should be concerned and that "If you see my fat ass running you better get moving along with me". Awesome.

In other Kendragon news, I'm psyched to visit Chicago in about two weeks and see awesome roomie. And I actually have gone on a couple dates recently. They haven't been great but for the first time in like five years I feel like I'm really back in the game. So...ya know...that's cool.

Oh, and my sister is engaged and getting married in a couple months. I'm super happy for her and pleased that the three little girls that I consider my nieces will finally be a part of my family. Oh and her fiance's pretty chill too.

So overall, good times. But freaking pay me what I'm worth dammit!

Oh and on a side note...Thanks to a certain fella who's been a great support lately. You kick ass. Consistently.

I know I've asked this question before but...

I need a truly honest male opinion here. I need to know what it is about me that turns the fellas off.

No, this is not a depression wallowing post. I'm actually doing pretty well. Despite the most Irecent bout of unevenness I'm relatively upbeat. I feel like i could dive back into it any moment mind you, but I'm pretty secure that I won't.

To quote awesome roomie's blog "Go team crazy!"

Instead this is a genuinely confused post. I really truly don't get it. Why is it that any cute guy I meet that I actually click with on some level winds up deciding to not be interested in me? Someone tell me. Please.

I know I'm at least above average pretty. Not model sickenly gorgeous, but prettier than the herds. Let's say a 6 1/2 or 7...maybe a 7 1/2 on my most outstanding days when the clothing, the jewelry, the make-up, the hair, and the attitude are all at their peek fabulousness. I know I'm smarter than the average person. I have an IQ of like 143 or something like that which is pretty freaking high and I have a mix of both book knowledge and useless trivia stuck in my noodle. I'm funny...or at least I'm told I am often enough to make me think so. I can keep up a good conversation. I truly love doing everything a typical guy likes as well as all the chick stuff that girls dig. I'm creative, passionate, and I've been told sexually skilled. But then parents love me too so I can be sweet and demure when the situation calls for it.

So...what is it about me that negates all that goodness?

Is it my mannerisms? Voice? Tendency to think the blackest humor is the funniest? Interest in odd things? My probably obvious insecurities? Is there some off putting desperation about me due to my fear of rejection? Or is it something I can't even fathom? Like...do I mouth breath and not even know it? I've known people that do that and I know I found it incrediblly odd and gross...so maybe that's it.

The cute guy wound up calling which was great and we talked for like two hours. And now I like him even more. But that was on last Thursday and that Friday he went out of town and now it's Tuesday and I have yet to have any communication with him whatsoever. Now I'm hearing rumor that he's said to a mutual friend that he isn't looking for anything serious. Well freaking great, neither am I. I just want someone who wants to be around me for a night or two a week right now. I'm trying to get my life together. I don't need anything more than that. But I also don't need for the nicest guy I've met in awhile who kisses really well to not want to call me assuming that I want more than I do. It's very frustrating and I hope it's not causing him to move away from just a casual dating situation.

If that's even what's happening. But I don't know what's happening.

I may wind up feeling stupid. I may get a call from him a day or so from now (and by the by, I've reached out a couple times over the past couple days via text since he told me that he would call and I kinda want to see if he does, and he responded which was good but they were short responses which was bad...but I feel like I've done my part to keep the ball rolling) and it'll be good. I kinda hope that happens even though I know how silly that is. But my gut tells me that he's just turned off by something about me and I don't even know what. And that sucks.

So please...just tell me someone (anyone) what the dealo is. If I know, I can understand. It may not prompt any change but at least I know what I'm working with here.

Sigh. Any ideas?

Just call already!

I am a pretty girl! I'm smart and funny and any guy would be lucky to have me!

Now why won't the cute, nice, funny, charming, down-to-earth, amazing guy I went on a date with a couple days ago call me? I know we had fun. I'm about 98% sure he likes me.

What. The. Fuck?

Seriously.

I'm doing better peeps, and not just because of the date...which was great and I hope will happen again. Mostly I'm doing better because I have amazing friends, even if they aren't close by. That and it's the nature of the crazy. But mostly the former.

I just really, reallllly, realllllllllllllllllly want him to call me. I'm getting all girlie and nervous over here, which I hate being. I only get this way about a fella I really dig though, so take it to mean what you will.

Ugh. Wish me luck guys. Kendragon needs a nice guy to keep being nice or her faith in goodness may just be crushed all together.