I offically think too much.

So here's a middle school level question that I find myself asking lately - do I really like him, or am I just a fan of the idea of having a significant other?

I met a guy and I've seen him twice now (Yea, yea, I know, two times is too soon to get myself all perplexed over a fella, but this is more a mental inquiry). He's an interesting mix of all the things that I find charming in a fella (opening the door for me, insisting on paying, orders dinner but only after determining what I want ... that sorta thing) and being completely random and keeping me laughing/guessing. He's uber driven and kind, not to mention cute.

So...I like him. That part is undeniable. But what I'm wondering is do I like the idea of having a significant other more?

I'm not looking for anything crazy serious here, Lucky Readers. Nothing has changed in that area. I'm still incredibly busy and trying to juggle fifty things at once. But the last couple guys I've met have made me realize that although I may not want a serious thing overall, I do want some form of a boyfriend. I like going on dates. I like the idea of having someone I care about to do that with. I like the idea of getting even remotely emotionally vested in a guy again. It may be risky, but it's a good feeling to trust someone that much. It just seems appealing to me right now.

This leaves me wondering if my longing for him to call, my checking my phone just to make sure it's working properly, my fighting the urge to call/email/text this guy so that I don't appear desperate...is it rooted in him, or is it rooted in me?

I hope I'm not so subconsciously unaware that I would project feelings onto someone without justification. And I hope that I would be able to tell the difference between infatuation with an individual and a state of mind. But then again I've heard of crazier things, so asking the question doesn't seem out of line.

Although all this will probably be a moot point; every time I talk in even the vaguest of terms about a dude I dig on here it seems to jinx it. So watch, this won't even be an issue in a day or so. But I think I really like him people. I think he's a great guy and I feel like I mesh with him well ... vastly better than the guys I've met...well since C (haven't talked about him for awhile, huh?).

As you guys have probably figured out, I'm still stuck in 15 year old girl mode, and can't really wrap my mind around how to act/think/behave with a guy a like. I may as well walk around in pig tails and a catholic school girl outfit so I can at least look the part...or maybe that will help the situation. Hmmm...

Sounds to me like somebody's got a case of the 'Sposdas'!

So I'm supposed to be working. Actually I'm supposed to be working harder than usual cause I've been forced to take a half day from the good job to go to a lame required meeting for the bad one. I'm supposed to be trying to squeeze eight hours of work into four.

But I'm not. Tee hee.

Actually far from it. I'm incredibly checked out right now and my 70 more minutes until I get to leave here and head home for a bit before going downtown and pretending that I care about what my bosses are going to be just as unenthused about telling us as we are to hear it is draggggging.

It's kind of been a bit of a problem actually; lately I find it hard to get motivated at work. I think it might be because I have to spend the first few hours of every day determining which job I need to focus on.

Let's see...am I an administrator who will expertly and efficiently keep our department running smoothly? Or am I a sales person who will feverishly close deals and make lots of dollar dollar bills?

What's that? My only option is to be a half-assed version of both who never really gets either job done properly cause my attention is constantly being diverted away? Hmmm...

Oh well. I do still love my job and hope that they will bring in my replacement very soon so I can do my real job as amazingly as I know I can. But until then I have a feeling that my levels of meh are going to remain rather high.

I'm actually shocked that I'm not all sorts of down right now Lucky Readers. I found out yesterday that my favorite NPR show The Bryant Park Project - the one that I listen to while at work that makes me laugh out loud, provides a great mix of real news coverage and fluff pieces, and keeps me sane on the days when customers are pushing me to the brink - is being canceled. It's a very sad day made even sadder by the fact that NPR thus far hasn't provided any opportunities for the loyal listeners to try to help save the program. I'm admittedly taking it kind of personally, but it's become a fixture in my work day. I hate the idea of seeing it go.

Also I'm having a bit of a tiff with one of my friends and although we are on speaking terms it's clearly strained and it's rough for me. I won't delver into further details, but I will say that although I'm not mad I am very frustrated by some things that have been said, and I hope that I'll be able to fully forgive them soon. Thus far no luck though...

However, despite the unfortunateness I'm very chipper. I'm enjoying the balance I've been able to establish between my work and home life (I know I may only be 23 and have no family of my own and all those other truly adult responsibilities, but juggling two jobs, friends, and family has been much more difficult than I thought it would be), I have my new car which is amazing and lovely and such a weight off my shoulders despite the second large debt I now am carrying in addition to my school loans, and I'll be visiting Awesome Former Roomie this weekend and I simply cannot wait to see her and my animal nephews.

Oh! And only about five more days until I see Dark Knight. I literally cannot wait. Seriously, my leg is shaking just thinking about it.

So I'm happy y'all. Happy and enthused. Happy and enthused and anxious. It's proving to be a good mix.

Very brief update - enjoy!

Get it...brief! Oh the wit!

It's been an interesting week or so Lucky Readers. A few bad moments, yes, but in interest of staying upbeat I won't mention them. Not the nearly running into one of the people that apparently thinks I'm worthless, not having a guy I used to be kind of interested in stop calling me all together (although I'm not too incrediblly upset about that to be honest), and definitely not how Neat and I had a huge fight.

Nope, not even gonna mention it.

Instead I'm gonna focus on a couple happier things...for once. Huzzah!

My job finally gave me a raise. It's not as much as I would hope it'd be, but it's much closer. Now they just need to hire my replacement so that I can focus on my main position and I should be doing well enough for myself to move out...again. God I feel like a townie. But still - raise!

I met a cute guy. Kinda like him. Kinda had a great date. But I'm gonna leave it at that cause otherwise I'm gonna jinx it.

Knock on wood, throw salt over my shoulder, make animal sacrifices.

And I met through a coworker at my second job a guy that makes B horror movies. He asked if I wanted to help out with them or perhaps act. It totally made me year. Awesome.

So for now I shall leave this brief update. Kendragon is happy and mentally calm for once. She is extremely glad for it.