My trainer at the gym told me that I was “petite and feminine” yesterday. I laughed at the petite part, but he explained that I’m super girlie because I always have painted fingernails, I have long blond hair that I don’t tie back too tightly when I work out, I have cute little workout outfits, and when he pushes me to do something that hurts I say ‘Owwie!’ in a high pitched squeak. I take an inordinate amount of joy in this.
Speaking of working out…ummm…I’m getting pretty hot. I’m getting very toned, and I’m beginning to lose some girth (finally), to the extent that I’m currently rocking some pants I bought my freshman year of college aka the last time I actually liked how my body looks. And my arms are looking less and less Polish everyday (read Polish arms as weak in the tricep area and frankly flab flabbity flabby!). I’m working on getting full on guns. But girlie guns. Like derringers.
I got a new calendar yesterday to put up at work. It’s vintage travel posters from roundabouts the 1920s, aka my favorite era for just about everything. I spent all morning going through and writing in birthdays and anniversaries and plans that I already have for the new year. I very nerdily enjoyed doing that. I even giggled when I highlighted my sister’s anniversary. Nerd = me!
I now have the LOVE Beatles CD and I adore listening to it at work. The music is amazing and the compilation of songs includes all my favorites. I’ve become re-obsessed with ‘Something’, and I’ve decided that along with ‘God Only Knows’ it will be played at my wedding. And if my future fiancée doesn’t like it…well we might have some problems. So Awesome Roomie…you’re gonna have to deal.
Mostly, though, I’m happy about how the date with Roth went. Here’s how it went down:
He wanted us to go to the same place we went for our first date, which I know was his attempt at ‘Let’s start over’ without being so corny as to say the words. We were both a bit nervous at first, but it became very comfortable pretty quickly on. We joked a lot like we used to, we updated each other on our lives, and upon his request we talked about what happened. It was oddly very nice to get everything out in the open and to be very blunt with each other. At one point he asked me if any friends were against the idea of us getting together, and I very bluntly told him yes, everyone was. “You hurt me and they don’t want to see my upset again. But they love me and want me to be happy so they are supporting me, even if it’s reluctantly.”
Dudes, his response reminded me of why I liked him in the first place. He nodded his head, said he understood, thanked me for being honest, than smiled as he gave me a quick hug. He didn’t get upset, he didn’t try to argue. He simply took my honesty in stride, understood the whys of the situation, clearly filed it away as knowledge to have in the future, and we moved on. He responded like an adult, and I enjoy that so much about it; he’s mature and respectful…more or less.
Oh, and at one point I asked, “So Why now? Why are you reaching out to me now?” He looked me in the eye, paused a moment, then said, “Kendragon, I never didn’t not want to reach out to you. I knew I had made a mistake almost immediately after I broke up with you, but I knew I hurt you and shouldn’t call. I hoped it would only be a matter of time for you to be okay with talking to me, and I’m really happy that that is what’s happened.” He then reminded me that he tried to reach out a month ago and I responded pretty badly, so…ya know…touché. But dudes…perfect response, and all on his own. THIS is why I like this guy. It was such a pleasant evening, and I found myself just as excited when he touched my hand for the first time that night as I had been when he did so on our first date. Overall it was very familiar and nice, so it was what I hoped for.
I’m obviously gonna be very weary and keep my guard up for a super long time. For instance, he started talking at one point about making some plans for the next couple weeks. As much as I want to do that, I can’t. The most plan making I want to do with him is to the next time I see him. Anything else seems just too unstable to do. I didn’t tell him this, but knowing it for myself is what’s important.
But I can’t deny how good it felt to be with him. Nor do I want to.
So…I’m happy bout it. Hooray for me!
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