There's a tear in my beer, and other bad, bad country song lyrics

Everything makes me sad.

I realized this as I got drunk tonight on an empty stomach after leaving the apartment alone
without telling anyone where I was going, and frankly not knowing myself, because I didn't want to cry again cause I've cried too much in my life.

I think I've used up my alottment of tears. I've cried too much over too little. And now I won't allow myself to do it anymore.

The universe will punish me if I do.

I feel like a freak right now. I feel sad. I feel lost and alone and unlovable.

And that's all I thought about. While I was at work today. While I sat on the couch just hoping that someone would express some sort of care about the fact that I existed. While I realized that it's not anyone's job to do so. While I got dressed knowing that I had no idea where I was going. While I drank only three beers and got freaking drunk as shit since I had only soup and cheerios in my head for the past three days. While I tried to ignore the fact that only two sad drunk guys were sitting across the bar from me and the bartender was more interested in talking to them then me.

I'm just all alone. And apparently pathetic and redonkulous. And that doesn't make anything better.

So now I'm going to go back to pretending I don't hear things so that I can sit in my apartment and not feel like a lepper. Cause I will be alone forever and need to be reminded of that as often as possible.

And shit. Now I'm crying.

Wait for the smitting.



*Note - please ignore my bad spelling or grammar. I'm writing this while drunk. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!