So here are two things that have made me feel better. One is basic. One, me thinks, is trippy.
Okay the quick one – got hit on by my waiter at lunch. When Roth is stonewalling me and I don’t know why, this is a great way to take the significance off the silence.
Now the trippy weirdness.
I’ve been listening to back episodes of RadioLab at work lately. Today I’m listening to an episode about Time that discusses the concept that time is not linear, but rather that every moment of my life, your life, and indeed all lives that have or will exist occur simultaneously.
Dudes, I love this.
It makes me call back to two of my favorite concepts of time and fate by two of my favorite fiction authors.
The first is from Kurt Vonnegut. Tralfamadorians guys. Nuff said. Right? No? Okay quick break down. Tralfamadorians believed in this very concept. They were aliens that were featured in several novels of Vonegut’s, but they spoke to the main character of ‘Slaughterhouse Five’. Here they told him about how they know and see all that was, is, and will be. And they found this comforting. In response to death they simply state, “so it goes.”, because they know that in reality the being hasn’t ceased to exist since he continues in all the moments that made up his life.
I adore the concept. Seeing the insignificance of the artificial importance we put on things takes so much of the pressure of existence off my shoulders, and makes me feel like maybe I’m not ruining my life. Maybe this is just what my life is meant to be, and something that I can’t and therefore shouldn’t fight.
The second is from Neil Gaiman. In the ninth book of the ‘Sandman’ series called ‘The Kindly Ones’ the oldest of the Endless named Destiny wonders around his garden. He soon sees several versions of himself walking down many paths. One by one, as events unfold that will determine the fate of a vitally important character, the multitude of Destiny’s join until they finally walk one singular path.
I find this to be the most eloquent manifestation of my notion of fate and freewill ever created. By far. See, I’m a fate-ist. I believe that our paths are determined and we’re walking them. But I also think that we have enough free will to determine how we will get there. For instance, I was destined to work my current job. I have no doubt of this. But the timing and circumstances that led to it were my choice alone. I think the image and idea of Destiny dividing only to rejoin illustrates this fluidly and beautifully. Whether that was what Gaiman meant by it or not I’m not 100% positive, but I would like to think it is.
Anywhosel. I find this all very good for putting things into perspective. On a day like today where I’m unable to get outside of my head over something silly like the Roth paranoia, feeling like this too is part of the plan and nothing that I can distinctly control is oddly comforting. I don’t feel like I’m going to fuck it up. I don’t wonder about what I did wrong in crazy hypothetical land nearly as often. I simply feel better.
So thank you random philosophical concept in a radio show! Thank you for making me feel less crazy by talking about nutty weirdness!
Oh…and Roth called. We’re good. I was being crazy and I realized it without having to let on to him that I had been going nutballs. Hooray!
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