Look at me! I'm happy and content! WEE!!!

Okay ... so it's been about a month since I've written on here. So I'm going to give you a hopefully brief update.

Essentially, I am now a college graduate. The ceremony was wonderful and surprisingly fun and I was thrilled to see my family. They helped me to move out of my Chicago apartment and I returned to Cleveland. I desperately miss Chicago and all of my friends there. I wish i could just walk down to the beaches on the nice days and spend my nights hanging out in dive bars with my bestest buddies. But they're there. I'm here. Hopefully I'll be there for a visit soon. But until then, here I stay.

But, I am incrediblly happy to be back in Cleveland. I'm having a lot of fun with my friends out here who are all happy to have me back. We've been exploring parts of the city that I either forgot existed or never knew did, so it's turning out to be quite the adventure. I'm getting closer to my family again, and I'm enjoying the simple things like getting to drive my car and sit outside near fire pits. It's been fabulous.

My girl Neat and I are having amazing fun together. Going to concerts, going downtown to clubs and dancing, seeing fireworks go boom into the night sky ... it's all been amazingly fun! We've also been planning our trip to Vegas (woohoo!), which I think will be super cool. We have another friend joining us and I have a feeling that it will be even more awesome because of it. I simply can't wait. Oh! And I think I will be going out to St. Louis with my family for a little trip to a man-made lake. It's supposed to be super cool, and it should be fun. So...vacations ho!

Overall I've taking care of myself very well. Emotionally I've been more or less relaxed, calm and even keeled. I had one minor argument with a friend that I won't really get into but i don't feel like it was my fault. But nonetheless, I've been keeping balanced and in a good, happy place. As for my physical being, I've been doing good with that. I've been cooking alot, eating well, working out, and I've lost nearly ten pounds. Now if I could only keep it off...

I'm enjoying this bit of downtime that I have between school and beginning to work. Speaking of which, there hasn't been much progress in this department. Until today that is. I had an interview with a company that I would love to work for. I'd be selling ad space, but doing so with individualized packages and with lots of flexibility. I'm super excited about the possibility of working with this company. And the fact that the interview went swimmingly well doesn't hurt at all. I even have another interview setup for tomorrow with them in another branch, so I'm pretty sure that they are interested in me. At least that's what I hope for.

So basically, good things right now. Hooray!

Kendragon may take the floor to present its resolution...

I bring to the floor a resolution. If someone is looking to my blog hoping to find hurtful and horrible information about him/her, they should realize that this is hurtful/insulting and would never happen, and furthermore make a point of not calling me to complain and make demands after he/she tries REALLY, REALLY hard to misconstrue a compliment I gave said person (after I was given permission to write about him/her) into an insult.

All those in favor ...

But I'm not going to name/insult the individual who did not abide by the points of this resolution. Because I'm not going to give said individual the satisfaction of doing exactly what said person was looking for. I will, though, state that I find both the action and the very idea that anyone could for a minute think that I would/could public defame an acquaintance that has done me no harm hurtful and disturbing.

Oh! And did I mention that this came on the same day that I got a rejection letter from the job that I most wanted to date. A cold, generic letter that met me just minutes before I was going to call the company to follow up on my application. Yea. The job hit came about an hour before the aforementioned call. Great, great couple of hours. But that's all I will say about that.

Otherwise things are good right now. Stressful, but good. My days are filled with simple things but a lot of them. So essentially they are long and fairly boring. But it's cool. I'm a mere week away from being a college graduate, and about two and a half away from being back home.

Super-duper-happy-excitied, Lucky Readers.

On top of the, Neat and I just solidified when we are going to Vegas, and although it won't be as soon as I previously thought, the fact that we are going and at a much cheaper rate then we thought before (reason for postponing...) makes it totally and completely cool to me.

But I'm trying not to get too excitied about things to come. For now I'm focusing on the present; including my presentation that is to start in just about an hour, the meeting I have to attend tonight, writing my Capstone paper and preparing for a presentation tonight, compiling notebooks of previous work to try and help me get a job, working out, helping a friend make a business plan with only a little experience with it myself, and thinking about packing my stuff.

And that's only what I'm doing before the family converges on Chicago to steal me away from the city, at which point all new craziness will begin.

And now I'm speaking in stereotypical blogger tones. See! This is what stress does to me...

Kendragon pulls into the final stretch

So ... I'm getting into the last days of college. And the fact that I can say that makes me nervous. But happy nervous. Good nervous. Life-about-to-change nervous.

But that kind of goes without saying don't it?

Otherwise I've been super happy for the past few days. Oh, except for the fact that Subway has decided to keep my credit card. Or rather I forgot it there cause the woman ringing me out was being incrediblly slow and strange about the way she did it so I got confused and rushed out. And when I went back to get it they "didn't know where it was - it could be in 10 places! tee hee!" So I had to cancel my card, which is fun.

But anyway!!!!

Everything else - great! I'm still planning the trip to Vegas with Neat (although that might be held off on for a bit to save money - but it will happen!), getting ready for family to come out to Chicago, getting ready for the big move to Cleveland, applying for jobs (not extremely frustrated so far...), planning a going-away party, and overall just enjoying the rest of my time in Chicago.

And I'm in the box office for pretty much the last time. I have only one week left and although it will be extremely busy this week, I'm fairly sad about the leaving overall. I love my coworkers and will miss them tons. I'll miss us finding ways to entertain ourselves. Like teaching my coworker who is originally from Israel about country music. Or making fun of vloggers on YouTube. Or mocking annoying patrons (that's right. if you are annoying or say something silly when calling into a box office, we will be polite to you while on the phone, but will mock you as soon as you can't hear us.).

But the end of that era aside, I'm getting to the excitied place for graduation and enjoying the fact that my meds are clearly working (knock on wood, toss salt over my shoulder, etc.). I've been consistently level for the past two weeks and I'm beginning to think that it isn't coincidence. For this I am exceedingly grateful.

So I'm off to enjoy some of the last time I have at work. And then I will enjoy some of the last time I have in school. And then I will enjoy some of the last time I have in Chicago.

Cause it's starting to flee y'all. Fast.

So I've been pondering...

So I finally made a choice for after graduation. And it's Cleveland.

Here's my thought process:

Primarily, I have no solid job leads in Chicago, and from the looks of things I won't anytime soon. Now I don't have any in Cleveland either. But here's the rub - I don't have to pay for housing there. In Chicago I would have to scrounge to find a crappy apartment in my price range that I would have to struggle to afford. So that versus only having to pay about a hundred a month to my mom for food, etc. ... I think the choice there is clear.

But it obviously goes beyond that. Otherwise I would have been able to make up my mind a long time ago.

You see, my big debate was did I want to go back to Cleveland to have my emotional stability (mom, dad, long-time friends, etc.), or did I want to stay in Chicago where I would be more likely to break into entertainment (what with the more opportunites for it)? It raged for about four months now with no real decision. I went back and forth a bunch of times, pretty much changing my mind by the day.

Well this all came to a head when I was looking at available jobs in the Chicago area. I happened upon a few that I am definitely qualified for, and I know I would be good at. But when it came to the moment when I would normally hit the button to get the contact info, I couldn't. I physically could not get myself to move my finger. When I talked to a friend about that phenomenon, she then asked me the simple but very vital question, "Is that because you didn't think you could do the job, or is that because you didn't want to do the job here?"

And the light went on, Lucky Reader. It was clearly the latter. My mind was made up.

My gut has been trying to tell me that Cleveland makes more sense, and I have been telling it to shut up. For me, right now, it's the way to go. And so I've made the choice.

Besides, it's not like I'm tied to whatever city I'm in ... ever. If I decide in a year or two that Cleveland just isn't working out for me, I can come back to Chicago. Or I can go to New York. Or I can go to Uzbekastan. I can do anything I want to any time I want to.

And right now I want to go back to Cleveland after I graduate so that I can work on getting my head straight.

I'm very happy with my decision, Lucky Reader. Be happy for me.

Hi. I'm Even-Steven...er...Stevette?

So, it's been a week or so since I wrote anything. I've been crazy busy on top of being crazy sad/depressed, so I've been a bit preoccupied. So I'll update for ya.

The crazy busy has mostly been in regards to classes, but it's also been the job search. I won't dwell on that again, but basically I am super frustrated about the lack of solid leads. Although I am happy to report that some friends are coming through with vague possibilities. But right now they are very vague. And that's aggrevating.

Plus, when I talked to my doctor about it (she asked, I swear) she eventually had to state, "Wow. You have every reason to be frustrated and upset. That sucks."

Yep, that's what she said. More or less.

As for being sad/depressed again...well I have no explanation for that beyond the fact that it's my crazy striking. Again. Joy.

I really do need to stop being so surprised by this. I mean, it's kind of the nature of the crazy. And I need to learn to deal with it rather than responding with "What the Hell!?" Cause clearly that's not helping anything. But then again, I don't know how else to react, so this whole vague idea of changing my response may just be an exercise in futility.

Sigh...

But it hasn't all been bad, Lucky Readers. I've been having a lot of fun hanging out with my friends. I've been doing new things and redisovering pasttimes that I had vaguely abandoned (remember bowling? I didn't until Monday...). I've had a couple really fun bar nights and I even tried a juice fast to de-toxify my system. Although I did kinda cheat at it. A little. I had a salad each day and two beers. Sue me.

Plus, as a result of the fast I decided that I am going to start back up with my diet. I know, I know, I keep saying that. But this time I know I have to stay with it. I'm about to graduate and enter the work world, which will give me alot of stress plus a more seditary life style, which spells weight gain. And since I'm not at the lower weight that I think I should be at, I'm going to need to form some good habits now. That also includes exercising, which I need to get back into.

I will do it this time. I really, really, really, will!

But now I should probably go since I'm in class and should be paying attention (tee hee!). To sum up... sad but trying to be positive, stressed by trying to relax, worried about graduation, but pleased about having real fun with real friends.

So...I balance out. Good for me!

Know anyone hiring talented, witty, awesome people? Please?

So it's been a hot minute since I've posted. And this post will be short. You see, Lucky Readers, I have been incrediblly busy the past week or so. Mostly with fairly mundane shit. But nonetheless I am finding myself with little to no free time anymore. For cryin' in the dark, I barely have enough time to sleep properly!

But I better become accustomed to it. Cause I think the remainder of this next quarter is going to be alot of the same.

Sigh. Moan, sigh.

What is bothering my most of all right now is this whole what-am-I-going-to-do-after-graduation thing. Everytime I start to get my mind wrapped around the options that I have and farily favor, everything changes. I get new info, more advice, more options ... and then I'm screwed. And it's leaving me dumbstruck, unable to act in any particular direction. I mean, I don't even know what city I want to live in yet, much less what I am going to do to pay the bills. And the closer I get to graduation (about eight and a half weeks...) the more nervous I get.

I've said it nine thousand times before, but I wish I could just cut to two months from now when I'll know what I want and how I want it to happen. And then I'll be content and very well-off for a college graudate and everything will be sunshine and roses.

That'll be swell.

All I know is that this not knowing things is really stressing me out. And all the stress is making my crazy act up. I've been really off-balance lately in the very extreme sense of the term, and it's exhausting. And it's only one and half weeks into the quarter!

I need to get it in check...sooner rather than later. I just wish someone could tell me how. And while s/he is at it, if s/he can just tell me everything else, it would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

I repeat...

Sigh. Moan, sigh.

And the Kendragons Rejoice!

So... break is over. I'm back in Chicago and I'm once again finding myself at the start of a new quarter.

Sigh!

But it's the last quarter of my undergraduate degree, and in a very short three months I will be forced to enter the real world, and I'm sure by the time I reach that point I will be sitting slack jawed with drool dribbling out of my numb mouth because I will have been struck dumb by wondering with great fervor how in the Hell time went so very, very fast.

So I decided that I am going to live the next few months in the present, enjoying this nearly-finished period in my life (or as much as possible while searching for a job and trying to plan my truly adult life). Which will be made much easier because I actually did have an amazingly relaxing Spring Break.

You see, Lucky Readers, despite the car fire my time in Cleveland was tons-o-fun. I got to spend a lot of good time with Ted, I hung out with my friends doing many of the things I love to do with them (read as watching the guys get way too into March Madness games, playing far too intense games of Catch Phrase and Can't Stop, making up the rules for a drinking game version of Sorry!, and going down to West 6th to get pushed and shoved through tiny places while paying far too much for only alright drinks but enjoying every moment of it), got to see my family (well...most of it), and caught up on my sleep cycle. And although I got a really bad headache the last day I was there, I didn't really care all that much. It was a fantastic break, y'all.

And the fact that one of my best Cleveland friends will be coming out this weekend to visit just makes it feel like the break will be prolonged, and there is nothin' wrong with that.

So overall, happiness is occuring in the land of the Kendragon right now. And this makes her very pleased.

I just need to shut out the little nagging voice in the back of my head that is trying to bring me down right now, what with it's "You have classes and homework coming! Ha, ha!", "You'll never get a good job! Tee hee!", and "You've wasted the last three and a half years of your life! What a loser!"-ish comments. Cause if I don't it will succeed in dragging me down. Again. And I don't want that. I want to stay in this nice, level area that I have been at for nearly a week now (thank you very much!) for as long as humanly possible.

So to combat this evilness before it get too strong, I will do the follow:

I'll keep up my mantras. I'll keep my nose to the grindstone. I'll keep taking my meds. I will work out (again!) and eat well. I will enjoy the sun when it is shinning. I'll read all the books I need to read as well as some of the ones I want to read. I will wathc many, many films. I'll keep up with friends and family. I won't get overwhelmed and stressed. I will allow Ted to continue to treat me as well as I deserve without sabotaging it cause my crazy tells me I'm not worth it. I will not get distracted or depressed. I will not waste time or money. I will graduate with flying freaking colors!

What? I totally will ...