But Dr. McNamara....dreams about you are supposed to be hot and sexy...

You know what's fun? Realizing that your subconscious is attempting to destroy you.

In light of my post yesterday, I thought you Lucky Readers might find this little story funny.

I was woken up by a bad dream this morning. Or not bad...strange. Like the kind of "What the Fuck?" dreams I had while I was still on meds before I got used to them. In this dream, I was being sat down and talked to by Dr. McNamara from Nip/Tuck as if we were long time friends. Except he wasn't that character...just a friend that looked and sounded like him, as dreams are want to make people out to be. He put his arm around me and said "Kendragon, we need to talk. It's about Matty." I inquired who Matty is, and he tells me it's my co-worker who totally doesn't go by that name. "He's ... having some issues with you." The good doctor then proceeded to tell me in exact detail why not only 'Matty' but everyone else in my life is unhappy with me. And just before I woke up he hugged me and said, "Just thought you should know."

How's that for an unpleasant way to be roused from sleep? Hey! Everyone hates me! ... or at least my mind thinks so.

Surprise surprise.

This is so incredibly disturbing folks, I can't even begin to describe my disappointment. Apparently no matter how hard I try to make myself more stable and content in my own skin, some creepy demented evil version of Jiminy Cricket is going to be sitting in the back of my head undermining every positive attempt I make. In my mind he looks all demented but still Cheshire Cat-esque ... cause of course I have to make him scary but appealing to my artistic senses.

But I refuse to think that this makes me destined to fail at my recent re-dedication, friends. Dammit I'm gonna cage that fiend if it kills me. I refuse to let it hinder my happiness from afar any longer. I'm going to use my logic to fix this.

For instance, I'm going to remember that dreams like this came about when I was on my meds, so this probably has something to do with the fact that I was recently put on the pill and the chemicals in me are all in flux right now. And I'm going to tell myself that if these facts were true, I wouldn't have the good people in my life that I do have (enter Awesome Former Roomie and her Awesome Utah-residing friend). And I'm definitely going to constantly reiterate to myself that this is just a mind-over-matter moment, and ultimately I am in control of this situation.

So ... that should learn my doubt monster!

But dude...doesn't that dream SUCKKKKKKKK!??!?!